Diary Day
ashley's Diary
Date 28 Jun 2006
Country South Africa (Johannesburg)
Weather Sunny, but v cold at night.
Diary Jo’Burg 28th June Jo’burg has a serious image problem with crime and as if on cue when we arrived 4 police officers and 8 gang members were killed in a shoot out. I think the current death rate of police officers in Jo’burg is about one a week. I have suggested to the SAPS that they import Des Moloney of the Wiltshire Constabulary to sort out their crime wave. He’d soon have Jo’burg licked into shape “Hello, Hello, Hello, what do we ‘ave ‘ere then?”…..”Now then sonny, just put that AK47 down and we’ll say no more about it” Anyway, it doesn’t help matters when the minister responsible for security says “If you don’t like the crime then leave South Africa”…not very constructive and they only have 4 years to sort things out before lots of innocent Welshman arrive to watch their team win the next world cup (qualification permitting) Having said all this I seem to remember reading in The Economist “The World in Figures” (sad person that I am) that the worst three countries for “violent assaults” are New Zealand, the UK and Sweden! Something fishy going on with the statistics I think. The other thing Jo’burg is famous for is the extremely high standard of the driving… yes, they use their cars as a kind of self culling device to reduce overcrowding on the roads..More statistics I’m afraid, but I love them….The level of road deaths per 100,000 of population in London is 3, New York it is 5, Tehran is 39 and Jo’burg excels itself with 56 per 100,000. I would like to say at this point that statistics are (hopefully) things that happen to other people otherwise we would all lock ourselves in small, disinfected, plastic boxes and never leave home….Level of sales of small, clean plastic boxes per 100,000 of population is London-60, New York-40, Tehran (Mostly small white cardboard boxes and figures only available for 2003) 12 and Jo’burg last with a mere 2….proving absolutely nothing of course which is what statisticians live for. Yes, we had a road accident in Jo’burg…we were slowing down to make a right turn when a cheeky little Toyota Yaris went into the towbar. This is our first accident since Portsmouth when we were sitting in the car, waiting to board the ferry and the lady behind started her Sherpa van in gear putting a rather neat towbar shaped hole in her bumper. Anyway, out of the Yaris, gets this mad woman and starts shouting “How will you be able to sleep at night….I could have had my babies with me etc”…I tried to be sympathetic, but I felt that I had to point out politely, that she had driven into the back of us as we had been slowing down as gently as an autumn leaf falls from the tree……No damage at all to the LR and only a tiny little scuff to her bumper….”I’m going to phone my father” she screamed and I was just wondering who I could phone when her dad, 1.93 metres of pure muscle turns up… Oh oh I think as he approached, but he just said “you phoned me for this??” and said sorry for all the trouble as she wailed, “but I could have had my babies with me” etc etc Absolutely mad! Stayed for another two nights in Jo’burg as we wanted to buy an Eaziawn roof tent, from the factory, about half the price of the UK. I took Ella and Tess paint balling. Tess proved to be a crack shot and after hitting me twice between the eyes said “don’t shoot me dad!” so I had to shoot Ella instead. My hair is still orange and green. Visited the Military Museum, Krugersdorp Game Reserve where we saw lion and our first white rhino and went to the Apartheid Museum which was very interesting.
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